Well, several months ago I said that my next blog entry would explain the spiritual side of things in regards to our experience with Connor. As I gaze back on our past year and a half, it seems as if God has picked us up by the ankles and shaken us up a bit before placing us back on the ground! Let's just say, if we ever had God in a box-those days are over forever. We know His power, we have seen His hand, we have felt His presence and we know His love.
Just as boldly as we have had our eyes open to God's divine interaction in our lives, we have just as plainly been given a glimpse of the enemy and his schemes to distract us from the journey God has us on in this life. I have come to believe that Satan's main objective is to rob us of our joy. If he can do that, he knows he can discourage us from living the fulfilling and abundant life God has planned for us while on this earth.
I will start from the beginning, as I can remember it.
I posted 3 years ago the story of Connor's birth and the spiritual impact it had on my life, but did leave a very big detail out. In fact, at the time I just really didn't want to face head on the fear that was pecking at me. The truth is, the very moment that Connor was placed in my arms after his birth, an overwhelming fear washed over me. I just felt at the core of my spirit that he was going to die. I never felt that with either of the other kids, and it was a scary feeling. For the next year, especially at night when I would rock Connor to sleep, I would feel that same fear creep in and it just robbed me of so much of my joy.
I really never prayed about what I was feeling because I felt so guilty and confused about feeling that way at all. I struggled with some short term post-pardum in the weeks after Connor's birth, not wanting to get out of bed. I cried all the time and thought I was losing my mind- another lie from the devil. "God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind." I have learned since that I cannot make agreements with the enemy such as, "I'm going crazy," or any other lie that would cause fear to creep in. That gives Him power and control over me that he does not deserve. I have a sound mind, I will no longer operate in fear and anxiety, those things are not of God and can be defeated!
Anyway,(I get on a roll sometimes...) Fast forward to Thanksgiving, 2008. So, here I am at Arkansas Children's Hospital watching my baby as he was laying lifeless on a table with all kinds of wires and tubes coming out of him, keeping him alive. Oh, did the fear hit, but then came another agreement I made with the enemy. My dear sweet friend, Felicia Patten, was sitting next to me when I said out loud for her to hear,
"God has been preparing me for this. I've always known Connor would die, that I wasn't going to be able to keep him. But, I'll be ok, I know I will. God will take care of me, He will never leave me. He will get us through this, but I just knew this day would come."
Well, let me tell ya, God spoke through Flee that very moment as she stuck her finger right in my face and said, "Donna, that is a lie from the devil! You cannot give up like that, you have to believe, Donna."
I remember feeling a little flicker of something, I guess you call it hope and anger all wrapped up together. I was mad that the devil had whispered such a horrible lie to me for almost 2 years and even angrier that I actually thought his voice was the voice of God! Then the hope set in once again and I jumped to my feet and walked right over to my son. I prayed to God and gave that child to Him. I thought of Abraham laying his son on the alter. He had faith, strong faith, unshakable faith that God would intervene and save his son. He did just as God told him to do, but you know he didn't give up hope. He waited for God to show up. Yes, Abraham would have been ok if Issac died, God would have taken care of Him as He would have taken care of our family, but to give up and pout was never part of his plan and I wasn't about to fall for it either once it was pointed out to me in such a way!!
Remember the story of David, when God told him himself that his son was going to die? David prayed, fasted, mourned, tore his clothes, all in a desperate plea to change God's mind. He did not give up hope. When his son died, everyone around was surprised to see him immediately cleanse himself and go worship the Father. They couldn't understand why after his son died he would seem ok. Well, David hung in there, he didn't give up, he prayed, he believed and he begged God to save his child. But, instead of turning on God when things didn't go his way, He praised Him instead. He knew God had his back-and He did didn't he!!
So... I began praying my heart out. I prayed for God to help my unbelief. After losing my dad in my early twenties, I began doubting God, feeling rejected in a way and wondered if my prayers for Connor were really even being heard, so professing my belief to heal but confessing my unbelief was very healing for me.
Another lie I had believed for many years was that God couldn't really be trusted. I mean, I prayed in full belief that my dad wouldn't die 12 years ago, and...he did anyway. How could I really trust God when he could "cause them to die, or take loved ones from us?" That was a BIG lie that God revealed to me in the hospital room at Children's Hospital. See, God does not "cause death" He can only "breath life". Death is not of God but of the enemy. God is only the creator and sustainer of life. The devil is the one who "steals, kills and destroys," not God!! Death entered the world because of the deceiver in the garden of eden. It grieves God to see us hurt, it grieves Him when we experience the death of a loved one, but folks, we get mad at the wrong thing when we get angry at God. We must realize that "this battle isn't against flesh and blood but against the evil powers in the heavenly realm." There is an evil one that deserves our anger, and it's the devil and his stupid helpers! Not God or other people! Oh, how thankful I am that God has taught me such a valuable lesson. We should not waste our time being angry with each other and angry at God when bad things happen in our lives.
Now, don't get me wrong, God can take our anger, our frustration and rage and love us just the same. But we can't stay in that place. We have to realize that we have full permission to kick the devil's butt with our anger. Let him have it!!! He's an idiot and he wants to destroy us!! Be mad, be tough, pick up your sword and fight! Fight with the truth and refuse to listen to his pitiful lies. Tell him to get away, don't be shy, be mad! Make him leave you alone by refusing to settle for anything that you can't back up with the word of God. We have to pray everyday for the spirit to guide us in the word of God. He speaks through His word, He whispers to our hearts. Listen to truth.
The truth is, Connor is a miracle. God revealed His power to us by showing us He is mighty to save but I feel sure He would have figured out a way to work a miracle even if Connor had died. He has opened my eyes to His powerful and mighty ways and He works every day. Just as he has resurrected Connor's brain activity and breathed life into him where death was lurking, he has done just that in the lives of so many young women that He shows me in my ministry. I have seen Him transform broken, dead, spirits riveted by pain, sin and bondage to the enemy. I've seen resurrected hearts on fire for God because of the deliverance and healing He alone can bring.
God has changed my life! He has changed my perspective on my job as a dorm manager, as a mother, as a wife, as a friend, as a daughter, as a sister. I am a child of God and the evil one cannot touch me!! I will no longer be afraid and shy away from speaking truth for fear of what mere man will think. I have a King to talk about!! I have miracles to remember, I have life to live!!
I can't wait to share more of what God is doing in my life and in the life of my family. I love you all and pray that truth will bust through the lies the enemy hurls at you. No fear!! Believe, love and keep your joy! Do not let the devil snatch away your peace and joy! It's yours! A gift given you by a God that says you're worth it!
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
The Great Physician
Well guys, it's time for me to tell the story of Connor. Many of you know what happened to him last Thanksgiving by now, but I have only told the "whole story" to very few people- mainly because the devil has kept me silent so that God's total glory wouldn't be completely revealed in this particular situation. I believe though that God has been gently nudging me to speak out in boldness and confidence about the things He has done. I don't know what you all think about spiritual warfare, but I have to tell you that I have had my eyes opened! George and I both have in fact, although his version of this story would probably highlight different details. That's because God has spoken to us both in very unique ways according to the journeys we are on with Him. We both lived through some of the scariest moments of our lives thus far and have grown closer to God and to each other through this ordeal. I'm sure we both would agree that intimacy with God is what He is after in all of us. The devil knows this though, and he is always on the prowl, always trying to find a way to intervene- guys, we have to wake up and stand up to the battle that is being fought for us daily!!
This is the story...
Our son Connor was taken to the ER on Thanksgiving night as we noticed him slipping into unconsciousness in my arms. When we reached the hospital, he was immediately taken from us and was bagged and intibated because he quit breathing on his own. We had no answers and no test showed any reason for this to be happening. Within less than an hour, the helicopter from Arkansas Children's Hospital had arrived to airlift Connor to Little Rock. To say that we were in shock and completely surrounded by fear is an understatement. I don't remember much about the short visit in the White County Emergency room except collapsing on the floor reciting bible verses I didn't even know I had memorized. The thing I remember saying the most was, "nothing will ever separate me from the love of God". I get chills now even writing that! Only the Holy Spirit could have taken over in that moment to breath that kind of truth into me at such a scary time.
By the time we arrived at ACH, the doctor on call informed us that Connor had slipped into a deep coma and had little to no brain activity and what he did have was abnormal. The outcome was very bleak-still no answers from anyone about why we were even in such a predicament! We watched in horror as our nearly two year old son was hooked up to machines and taken back in forth for multiple MRI's CAT scans and other various tests all in hopes of finding an answer. At one point in the night, Connor's heart rate started dropping drastically and they had to immediately put a central line into him that would pump medicine directly to his heart in an effort to jump start it. We were sent out of the room, unsure if the procedure would save our son's life. We watched as nurses and doctors all started running into our child's room gasping and shaking their heads- at which point, we honestly thought we had lost him.
About 45 minutes later, we were allowed to go back into the room-our child was still living, thanks be to God! The next few hours were just as confusing, scary and bleak as the first. As word started getting out about our tragedy, we knew that multiple prayers began going up to the Great Physician. Loved ones started trickling into the hospital, all of which were leaving family that they had been with for Thanksgiving Day. We were reminded of how loved we are, and how blessed we are to have so many loved ones.
All night long we stood next to our son, praying, singing to him, and begging God to turn things around. We were totally in shock. The next morning, one of our long time dear friends called and told me that she had a friend from church that felt that the Lord wanted him to pray over Connor. He had heard about our story from someone and had completely rearranged his plans for the day to obey what the Lord had asked him to do. Here is the kicker...
Our friend said, "Donna, this man believes he has the gift of healing and wants to know if he can come pray over Connor."
Now, I have to admit that that kind of wording was not something I had heard of everyday-except on TV of course. But in a mother's desperation all I could say was,
"If He is doing this in the name of Jesus, of course, tell him to come."
At the time, I was desperate and I believed that God could do anything. We needed a miracle. And... that is exactly what we got. Praise God!
I remember that Connor's regular nurse left the room and was replaced by a nurse we had not met yet. The man came in, introduced himself and what I remember the most about him was that he kept saying over and over again,
"Now, I want ya'll to understand, that I am just a man."
In other words, he was not interested in gaining any glory for whatever happened next. He just kept giving all glory to God for what He alone was and is capable of. He prayed first, with George and I and I remember that his prayer was one of the boldest, most heartfelt prayers I had ever heard before. It was if he had a personal relationship with God that I had only longed to have. I'm talking about real intimacy. He was having a real conversation with God. He then moved over to Connor's bed and placed his hand on my baby's chest. His hand was shaking a little bit and I remember that he started sobbing as he prayed over our child. His tears were falling down on Connor and his prayer was so moving. So real. He prayed for God to heal our son. He prayed and begged The Great Physician to lay His mighty hand of healing on him and work a miracle. The nurse that was there was praying aloud too,the whole entire time and we were all crying by the end of the prayer.
We thanked the man and as he began to leave, the many DR's that were lined up outside the room began to take their turns checking out Connor. The first DR came in, did a quick check and said she saw no change. Immediately after her another DR came in and did what looked like the exact same check-up, only this time, he said, "Now, just a minute here, I think I see some response."
I of course, started jumping up and down and began proclaiming a miracle, right then and there. I was so ecstatic. He checked again and was convinced that Connor was responding-very slightly, but it was response none the less. This was within 10 minutes of the prayer!!! Oh my goodness, if you know me at all, when I'm excited about something, I don't typically hold back, and this was one of those times- let me tell ya! George and I were sobbing and hugging each other but not in disbelief! I was absolutely convinced that we had just witnessed a miracle right in front of our very eyes- and I still believe that to this very day. Please don't tell me modern day miracles do not take place today. You will never convince George or I of that as long as we live.
From that point on, Connor gradually started improving more and more with each passing hour. The doctors and nurses were in awe. They had no answers. Nothing made medical sense to them that what they were witnessing was possible. We kept hearing them express their confusion to which I would always respond, "it's a miracle, just write that down in your chart!!" We finally got a couple of Dr's and nurses to admit that a miracle could be the only answer. By that evening, Connor was breathing on his own again, the intibator was removed and all his heart and oxygen levels stabilized. His brain activity went from little to none, to completely normal within a matter of hours. Connor slowly came out of his coma and by the next morning, I was holding my baby boy in my arms once again. Only this time he was gazing into my eyes, aware that I was holding him and trying his hardest to say "mama".
The DR that had checked us in the first night came by to check on Connor and I couldn't believe his reaction. He was absolutely in shock to see our child "awake" and improving so rapidly. He just kind of stood there staring at Connor and then back at us and was shaking his head. He looked right at us finally and said, "You don't understand, he was gone when I saw him last."
I remember thinking, wow, that's not quite what you told us at the time, but here we are! I assured him that what he was witnessing was a miracle. He definitely couldn't deny it!
We now have a very normal and highly active 2 year old running around! Our family is whole. God came to our rescue. All the prayers that our loved ones prayed were heard by the Father. The Great Physican came into that room at Arkansas Children's Hospital, in the form of a man that obeyed the call and was willing to be a vessel for the King of Kings, and layed His hand on our child- and healed him- because we believed He could.
I know that I am taking a risk by writing what you just read. But, God has been writing it on my heart to do so for several months and I too, have chosen to obey. I love each and every one of you that will read this and question it. It's ok. But, George and I know it's true and we have been forever changed because of it. We have experienced the hand of God and we will forever give Him the glory for healing and saving our son. I will no longer keep my God in a box. He is capable of doing so much more than we could ever ask or imagine. Why do we put limits on Him? Where did that begin? Well, for me, it has ended-no more limits. My God is real, He is powerful, He is mighty to save!!
We did find out about a week later after some test results came in, that Connor had significant amounts of a muscle relaxer in his system. We do not know for absolute sure where he got a hold of it. We haven't tried hard to pin the source down because honestly, it doesn't really matter. We almost lost him, but we didn't. God wanted to use the situation to open our eyes to His mighty power and have called us up to shout His glory so to pursue the cause of the incident really wasn't necessary. God will forever get the glory for His miracle, no matter what!
You may be wondering what spiritual warfare has to do with this. I've decided to save that part of the story for my next post. For now, I want to share with you a verse that God showed me after we had been home a few days after our scare. This sums it all up.
Psalm 145:
"I will honor you, my God the King.
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you.
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Lord, you are great. You are really worthy of praise.
No one can completely understand how great you are.
Parents will praise your works to their children.
They will tell about your mighty acts.
They will speak about your glorious majesty.
I will spend time thinking about your miracles.
They will speak about the powerful and wonderful things you do.
I will talk about the great things you have done.
They will celebrate your great goodness.
They will sing with joy about your holy acts.
The Lord is gracious, He is kind and tender.
He is slow to get angry. He is full of love.
The Lord is good to all.
He shows deep concern for everything he has made.
Lord, every living thing you have made will praise you.
Your faithful people will praise you.
They will speak about your power.
Then all people will know about the mighty things you have done.
They will know about the glorious majesty of your kingdom.
Your kingdom is a kingdom that will last forever.
Your rule will continue for all time to come.
The Lord is faithful and will keep all of his promises.
The Lord takes good care of all those who fall.
He lifts up all those who feel helpless.
Every living thing looks to you for food.
You give it to them exacty when they need it.
You open your hand
and satisfy the needs of every living creature.
The Lord is right in evrything he does.
He is loving toward everthing he has made.
The Lord is ready to help all those who call out to Him.
He helps those who realy mean it when they call out to him
He satisfies the needs of those who have respect for him
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all those who love him.
But he will destry all sinful people.
I will praise the Lord with my mouth.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever."
This is the story...
Our son Connor was taken to the ER on Thanksgiving night as we noticed him slipping into unconsciousness in my arms. When we reached the hospital, he was immediately taken from us and was bagged and intibated because he quit breathing on his own. We had no answers and no test showed any reason for this to be happening. Within less than an hour, the helicopter from Arkansas Children's Hospital had arrived to airlift Connor to Little Rock. To say that we were in shock and completely surrounded by fear is an understatement. I don't remember much about the short visit in the White County Emergency room except collapsing on the floor reciting bible verses I didn't even know I had memorized. The thing I remember saying the most was, "nothing will ever separate me from the love of God". I get chills now even writing that! Only the Holy Spirit could have taken over in that moment to breath that kind of truth into me at such a scary time.
By the time we arrived at ACH, the doctor on call informed us that Connor had slipped into a deep coma and had little to no brain activity and what he did have was abnormal. The outcome was very bleak-still no answers from anyone about why we were even in such a predicament! We watched in horror as our nearly two year old son was hooked up to machines and taken back in forth for multiple MRI's CAT scans and other various tests all in hopes of finding an answer. At one point in the night, Connor's heart rate started dropping drastically and they had to immediately put a central line into him that would pump medicine directly to his heart in an effort to jump start it. We were sent out of the room, unsure if the procedure would save our son's life. We watched as nurses and doctors all started running into our child's room gasping and shaking their heads- at which point, we honestly thought we had lost him.
About 45 minutes later, we were allowed to go back into the room-our child was still living, thanks be to God! The next few hours were just as confusing, scary and bleak as the first. As word started getting out about our tragedy, we knew that multiple prayers began going up to the Great Physician. Loved ones started trickling into the hospital, all of which were leaving family that they had been with for Thanksgiving Day. We were reminded of how loved we are, and how blessed we are to have so many loved ones.
All night long we stood next to our son, praying, singing to him, and begging God to turn things around. We were totally in shock. The next morning, one of our long time dear friends called and told me that she had a friend from church that felt that the Lord wanted him to pray over Connor. He had heard about our story from someone and had completely rearranged his plans for the day to obey what the Lord had asked him to do. Here is the kicker...
Our friend said, "Donna, this man believes he has the gift of healing and wants to know if he can come pray over Connor."
Now, I have to admit that that kind of wording was not something I had heard of everyday-except on TV of course. But in a mother's desperation all I could say was,
"If He is doing this in the name of Jesus, of course, tell him to come."
At the time, I was desperate and I believed that God could do anything. We needed a miracle. And... that is exactly what we got. Praise God!
I remember that Connor's regular nurse left the room and was replaced by a nurse we had not met yet. The man came in, introduced himself and what I remember the most about him was that he kept saying over and over again,
"Now, I want ya'll to understand, that I am just a man."
In other words, he was not interested in gaining any glory for whatever happened next. He just kept giving all glory to God for what He alone was and is capable of. He prayed first, with George and I and I remember that his prayer was one of the boldest, most heartfelt prayers I had ever heard before. It was if he had a personal relationship with God that I had only longed to have. I'm talking about real intimacy. He was having a real conversation with God. He then moved over to Connor's bed and placed his hand on my baby's chest. His hand was shaking a little bit and I remember that he started sobbing as he prayed over our child. His tears were falling down on Connor and his prayer was so moving. So real. He prayed for God to heal our son. He prayed and begged The Great Physician to lay His mighty hand of healing on him and work a miracle. The nurse that was there was praying aloud too,the whole entire time and we were all crying by the end of the prayer.
We thanked the man and as he began to leave, the many DR's that were lined up outside the room began to take their turns checking out Connor. The first DR came in, did a quick check and said she saw no change. Immediately after her another DR came in and did what looked like the exact same check-up, only this time, he said, "Now, just a minute here, I think I see some response."
I of course, started jumping up and down and began proclaiming a miracle, right then and there. I was so ecstatic. He checked again and was convinced that Connor was responding-very slightly, but it was response none the less. This was within 10 minutes of the prayer!!! Oh my goodness, if you know me at all, when I'm excited about something, I don't typically hold back, and this was one of those times- let me tell ya! George and I were sobbing and hugging each other but not in disbelief! I was absolutely convinced that we had just witnessed a miracle right in front of our very eyes- and I still believe that to this very day. Please don't tell me modern day miracles do not take place today. You will never convince George or I of that as long as we live.
From that point on, Connor gradually started improving more and more with each passing hour. The doctors and nurses were in awe. They had no answers. Nothing made medical sense to them that what they were witnessing was possible. We kept hearing them express their confusion to which I would always respond, "it's a miracle, just write that down in your chart!!" We finally got a couple of Dr's and nurses to admit that a miracle could be the only answer. By that evening, Connor was breathing on his own again, the intibator was removed and all his heart and oxygen levels stabilized. His brain activity went from little to none, to completely normal within a matter of hours. Connor slowly came out of his coma and by the next morning, I was holding my baby boy in my arms once again. Only this time he was gazing into my eyes, aware that I was holding him and trying his hardest to say "mama".
The DR that had checked us in the first night came by to check on Connor and I couldn't believe his reaction. He was absolutely in shock to see our child "awake" and improving so rapidly. He just kind of stood there staring at Connor and then back at us and was shaking his head. He looked right at us finally and said, "You don't understand, he was gone when I saw him last."
I remember thinking, wow, that's not quite what you told us at the time, but here we are! I assured him that what he was witnessing was a miracle. He definitely couldn't deny it!
We now have a very normal and highly active 2 year old running around! Our family is whole. God came to our rescue. All the prayers that our loved ones prayed were heard by the Father. The Great Physican came into that room at Arkansas Children's Hospital, in the form of a man that obeyed the call and was willing to be a vessel for the King of Kings, and layed His hand on our child- and healed him- because we believed He could.
I know that I am taking a risk by writing what you just read. But, God has been writing it on my heart to do so for several months and I too, have chosen to obey. I love each and every one of you that will read this and question it. It's ok. But, George and I know it's true and we have been forever changed because of it. We have experienced the hand of God and we will forever give Him the glory for healing and saving our son. I will no longer keep my God in a box. He is capable of doing so much more than we could ever ask or imagine. Why do we put limits on Him? Where did that begin? Well, for me, it has ended-no more limits. My God is real, He is powerful, He is mighty to save!!
We did find out about a week later after some test results came in, that Connor had significant amounts of a muscle relaxer in his system. We do not know for absolute sure where he got a hold of it. We haven't tried hard to pin the source down because honestly, it doesn't really matter. We almost lost him, but we didn't. God wanted to use the situation to open our eyes to His mighty power and have called us up to shout His glory so to pursue the cause of the incident really wasn't necessary. God will forever get the glory for His miracle, no matter what!
You may be wondering what spiritual warfare has to do with this. I've decided to save that part of the story for my next post. For now, I want to share with you a verse that God showed me after we had been home a few days after our scare. This sums it all up.
Psalm 145:
"I will honor you, my God the King.
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Every day I will praise you.
I will praise your name for ever and ever.
Lord, you are great. You are really worthy of praise.
No one can completely understand how great you are.
Parents will praise your works to their children.
They will tell about your mighty acts.
They will speak about your glorious majesty.
I will spend time thinking about your miracles.
They will speak about the powerful and wonderful things you do.
I will talk about the great things you have done.
They will celebrate your great goodness.
They will sing with joy about your holy acts.
The Lord is gracious, He is kind and tender.
He is slow to get angry. He is full of love.
The Lord is good to all.
He shows deep concern for everything he has made.
Lord, every living thing you have made will praise you.
Your faithful people will praise you.
They will speak about your power.
Then all people will know about the mighty things you have done.
They will know about the glorious majesty of your kingdom.
Your kingdom is a kingdom that will last forever.
Your rule will continue for all time to come.
The Lord is faithful and will keep all of his promises.
The Lord takes good care of all those who fall.
He lifts up all those who feel helpless.
Every living thing looks to you for food.
You give it to them exacty when they need it.
You open your hand
and satisfy the needs of every living creature.
The Lord is right in evrything he does.
He is loving toward everthing he has made.
The Lord is ready to help all those who call out to Him.
He helps those who realy mean it when they call out to him
He satisfies the needs of those who have respect for him
He hears their cry and saves them.
The Lord watches over all those who love him.
But he will destry all sinful people.
I will praise the Lord with my mouth.
Let every creature praise his holy name
for ever and ever."
Saturday, May 30, 2009
My Past/My Chains
I've been thinking about using this blogspot as my personal testimony especially in regards to my previous post today. God has put it on my heart to take you all the way back to the beginning for me- back to a place I don't like to visit in my past, but a place of redemption. The memories of my past mistakes no longer haunt me with the same torment as once before because I now recognize how I've been set free. Don't get me wrong, the devil still tries his hardest to fill me with shame and doubt but he doesn't get as far as used to in that attack.
As a dorm manager, I have had many opportunities to sit with girls as they pour out their shame at my feet about past mistakes and decsisions that they can't shake off. As I have listened to countless confessions of pain and sin, I have found myself speaking God's truth to them about how there is "no comdemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." It's much easier to try to convince someone else that their sins have been forgiven and the slate wiped clean than it is to accept that truth for myself. Maybe that is one of the reasons God has placed me in such a position- because He knew that surely after repeating the same thing over and over to many hurting young women, that maybe I would eventually get it!! Maybe then I would apply the same truth to my life. Maybe after promising over and over that God's love is unconditional, I would accept that truth as my own. I think God knew what He was doing!
I used to keep all my secrets to myself thinking that if I uncovered them, my authority would deminish in the eyes of the college girls I have influence over. That was a lie from the pit of hell and God has been revealing that to me gradually over the past couple of years. Now, I do believe that it is very important to be discerning with information, but I have begun to see a pattern from my Almighty God. Every time He brings me a precious wounded young woman with tears in her eyes, it doesn't take long to notice that my story is so similar to hers. Every single time. It's like He keeps bringing me people to minister to that He knows will unlock some secret unhealed hurt in my own life. I used to be so afraid, so wrapped up in fear of someone finding out the "real dirt" about Donna McDaniel Strachan, but oh, how the ways of God are so much greater than our fears!!!
"My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace"
As a dorm manager, I have had many opportunities to sit with girls as they pour out their shame at my feet about past mistakes and decsisions that they can't shake off. As I have listened to countless confessions of pain and sin, I have found myself speaking God's truth to them about how there is "no comdemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." It's much easier to try to convince someone else that their sins have been forgiven and the slate wiped clean than it is to accept that truth for myself. Maybe that is one of the reasons God has placed me in such a position- because He knew that surely after repeating the same thing over and over to many hurting young women, that maybe I would eventually get it!! Maybe then I would apply the same truth to my life. Maybe after promising over and over that God's love is unconditional, I would accept that truth as my own. I think God knew what He was doing!
I used to keep all my secrets to myself thinking that if I uncovered them, my authority would deminish in the eyes of the college girls I have influence over. That was a lie from the pit of hell and God has been revealing that to me gradually over the past couple of years. Now, I do believe that it is very important to be discerning with information, but I have begun to see a pattern from my Almighty God. Every time He brings me a precious wounded young woman with tears in her eyes, it doesn't take long to notice that my story is so similar to hers. Every single time. It's like He keeps bringing me people to minister to that He knows will unlock some secret unhealed hurt in my own life. I used to be so afraid, so wrapped up in fear of someone finding out the "real dirt" about Donna McDaniel Strachan, but oh, how the ways of God are so much greater than our fears!!!
"My chains are gone
I’ve been set free
My God, my Savior has ransomed me
And like a flood His mercy reigns
Unending love, Amazing grace"
Testimony Time
Well, guys, I have to tell you that God has been writing it on my heart for months now to use this blog to glorify Him. I know I need to be journaling about the things He has been and is continuing to do in my life and this seems to be the perfect avenue for that. I believe that God is stirring within me a boldness to speak of His fingerprints in my daily life and although my flesh is hesitant to speak out for fear of looking crazy, foolish or misguided, I know that God's spirit within me is greater and I want to obey.
There seems to be so much that I need to catch everyone up on, but I will just take this journey slow and easy because I do tend to get overwhelmed and quit altogether- the devil knows this about me and I am determined not to let him win this time!! I want to be consistent with this blog and use it as a means to encourage, uplift and spur others on to the calling God has for us all in developing intimacy with Him.
This verse in Jeremiah 33:3 has been speaking to me for several years now.
"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
I have prayed hard for a long time for God to show me great and unsearchable things. I have called on Him to show me "more of Him" and He has answered. He has the same desire to answer all of us in this way. There is more.... God is bigger and greater than we will ever know. I want to share with you my journey. I pray that in the details of my story, you will feel, see and hear God in yours.
One of my new favorite verses in Scripure comes from Revelation 19:10,
"The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy"
In other words, the testimony of Jesus in our lives is the very spirit and prophecy of what He can and will do in someone else's life. If God can redeem me, lift me from the pit, release my chains and set my spirit free to truly feel His love and acceptance of me...He will do the same for you. I promise.
There seems to be so much that I need to catch everyone up on, but I will just take this journey slow and easy because I do tend to get overwhelmed and quit altogether- the devil knows this about me and I am determined not to let him win this time!! I want to be consistent with this blog and use it as a means to encourage, uplift and spur others on to the calling God has for us all in developing intimacy with Him.
This verse in Jeremiah 33:3 has been speaking to me for several years now.
"Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."
I have prayed hard for a long time for God to show me great and unsearchable things. I have called on Him to show me "more of Him" and He has answered. He has the same desire to answer all of us in this way. There is more.... God is bigger and greater than we will ever know. I want to share with you my journey. I pray that in the details of my story, you will feel, see and hear God in yours.
One of my new favorite verses in Scripure comes from Revelation 19:10,
"The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy"
In other words, the testimony of Jesus in our lives is the very spirit and prophecy of what He can and will do in someone else's life. If God can redeem me, lift me from the pit, release my chains and set my spirit free to truly feel His love and acceptance of me...He will do the same for you. I promise.
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