Spiritual Warfare: Lies vs Truth

Well, several months ago I said that my next blog entry would explain the spiritual side of things in regards to our experience with Connor. As I gaze back on our past year and a half, it seems as if God has picked us up by the ankles and shaken us up a bit before placing us back on the ground! Let's just say, if we ever had God in a box-those days are over forever. We know His power, we have seen His hand, we have felt His presence and we know His love.

Just as boldly as we have had our eyes open to God's divine interaction in our lives, we have just as plainly been given a glimpse of the enemy and his schemes to distract us from the journey God has us on in this life. I have come to believe that Satan's main objective is to rob us of our joy. If he can do that, he knows he can discourage us from living the fulfilling and abundant life God has planned for us while on this earth.

I will start from the beginning, as I can remember it.

I posted 3 years ago the story of Connor's birth and the spiritual impact it had on my life, but did leave a very big detail out. In fact, at the time I just really didn't want to face head on the fear that was pecking at me. The truth is, the very moment that Connor was placed in my arms after his birth, an overwhelming fear washed over me. I just felt at the core of my spirit that he was going to die. I never felt that with either of the other kids, and it was a scary feeling. For the next year, especially at night when I would rock Connor to sleep, I would feel that same fear creep in and it just robbed me of so much of my joy.

I really never prayed about what I was feeling because I felt so guilty and confused about feeling that way at all. I struggled with some short term post-pardum in the weeks after Connor's birth, not wanting to get out of bed. I cried all the time and thought I was losing my mind- another lie from the devil. "God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind." I have learned since that I cannot make agreements with the enemy such as, "I'm going crazy," or any other lie that would cause fear to creep in. That gives Him power and control over me that he does not deserve. I have a sound mind, I will no longer operate in fear and anxiety, those things are not of God and can be defeated!

Anyway,(I get on a roll sometimes...) Fast forward to Thanksgiving, 2008. So, here I am at Arkansas Children's Hospital watching my baby as he was laying lifeless on a table with all kinds of wires and tubes coming out of him, keeping him alive. Oh, did the fear hit, but then came another agreement I made with the enemy. My dear sweet friend, Felicia Patten, was sitting next to me when I said out loud for her to hear,
"God has been preparing me for this. I've always known Connor would die, that I wasn't going to be able to keep him. But, I'll be ok, I know I will. God will take care of me, He will never leave me. He will get us through this, but I just knew this day would come."

Well, let me tell ya, God spoke through Flee that very moment as she stuck her finger right in my face and said, "Donna, that is a lie from the devil! You cannot give up like that, you have to believe, Donna."

I remember feeling a little flicker of something, I guess you call it hope and anger all wrapped up together. I was mad that the devil had whispered such a horrible lie to me for almost 2 years and even angrier that I actually thought his voice was the voice of God! Then the hope set in once again and I jumped to my feet and walked right over to my son. I prayed to God and gave that child to Him. I thought of Abraham laying his son on the alter. He had faith, strong faith, unshakable faith that God would intervene and save his son. He did just as God told him to do, but you know he didn't give up hope. He waited for God to show up. Yes, Abraham would have been ok if Issac died, God would have taken care of Him as He would have taken care of our family, but to give up and pout was never part of his plan and I wasn't about to fall for it either once it was pointed out to me in such a way!!

Remember the story of David, when God told him himself that his son was going to die? David prayed, fasted, mourned, tore his clothes, all in a desperate plea to change God's mind. He did not give up hope. When his son died, everyone around was surprised to see him immediately cleanse himself and go worship the Father. They couldn't understand why after his son died he would seem ok. Well, David hung in there, he didn't give up, he prayed, he believed and he begged God to save his child. But, instead of turning on God when things didn't go his way, He praised Him instead. He knew God had his back-and He did didn't he!!

So... I began praying my heart out. I prayed for God to help my unbelief. After losing my dad in my early twenties, I began doubting God, feeling rejected in a way and wondered if my prayers for Connor were really even being heard, so professing my belief to heal but confessing my unbelief was very healing for me.

Another lie I had believed for many years was that God couldn't really be trusted. I mean, I prayed in full belief that my dad wouldn't die 12 years ago, and...he did anyway. How could I really trust God when he could "cause them to die, or take loved ones from us?" That was a BIG lie that God revealed to me in the hospital room at Children's Hospital. See, God does not "cause death" He can only "breath life". Death is not of God but of the enemy. God is only the creator and sustainer of life. The devil is the one who "steals, kills and destroys," not God!! Death entered the world because of the deceiver in the garden of eden. It grieves God to see us hurt, it grieves Him when we experience the death of a loved one, but folks, we get mad at the wrong thing when we get angry at God. We must realize that "this battle isn't against flesh and blood but against the evil powers in the heavenly realm." There is an evil one that deserves our anger, and it's the devil and his stupid helpers! Not God or other people! Oh, how thankful I am that God has taught me such a valuable lesson. We should not waste our time being angry with each other and angry at God when bad things happen in our lives.

Now, don't get me wrong, God can take our anger, our frustration and rage and love us just the same. But we can't stay in that place. We have to realize that we have full permission to kick the devil's butt with our anger. Let him have it!!! He's an idiot and he wants to destroy us!! Be mad, be tough, pick up your sword and fight! Fight with the truth and refuse to listen to his pitiful lies. Tell him to get away, don't be shy, be mad! Make him leave you alone by refusing to settle for anything that you can't back up with the word of God. We have to pray everyday for the spirit to guide us in the word of God. He speaks through His word, He whispers to our hearts. Listen to truth.

The truth is, Connor is a miracle. God revealed His power to us by showing us He is mighty to save but I feel sure He would have figured out a way to work a miracle even if Connor had died. He has opened my eyes to His powerful and mighty ways and He works every day. Just as he has resurrected Connor's brain activity and breathed life into him where death was lurking, he has done just that in the lives of so many young women that He shows me in my ministry. I have seen Him transform broken, dead, spirits riveted by pain, sin and bondage to the enemy. I've seen resurrected hearts on fire for God because of the deliverance and healing He alone can bring.

God has changed my life! He has changed my perspective on my job as a dorm manager, as a mother, as a wife, as a friend, as a daughter, as a sister. I am a child of God and the evil one cannot touch me!! I will no longer be afraid and shy away from speaking truth for fear of what mere man will think. I have a King to talk about!! I have miracles to remember, I have life to live!!

I can't wait to share more of what God is doing in my life and in the life of my family. I love you all and pray that truth will bust through the lies the enemy hurls at you. No fear!! Believe, love and keep your joy! Do not let the devil snatch away your peace and joy! It's yours! A gift given you by a God that says you're worth it!